Over the past three days, a bunch of people at work, mostly interns, helped me clean out and re-organize our basement storage area that was desperately in need of some care. As a thank you, we bought them lunch today. We had pizza, carrots, tomatoes, bananas, grapes, blueberries, cupcakes, lemonade, and soda. It was quite a feast. Most of us probably ate more than we needed to.
At the end, there were four slices of pizza left. Since I'd organized the whole shindig and four pieces didn't seem worth an email to the whole building, I decided to take the leftover pizza home. So, on my way out at the end of the day, I grabbed my bag of pizza.
As I stepped out of the door, I realized, with co-mingled guilt and dread, that when I turned the corner I would pass a small group of men and women who are homeless that I see almost every day. We often greet one another but I've never stopped to chat with them.
Often, when I pass, I feel guilty that I can't/won't/don't (depending on the day) give them anything. Today, I had that bag of pizza. I was *really* looking forward to eating cold pizza. Then I realized that, if I really wanted pizza, I could get it on a whim. I had no
need for that pizza but here sat some folks who could use it immediately.
So, I stopped, greeted them, and asked if they'd like to have the pizza. This brief and somewhat thoughtless question led to an interaction of several minutes. I met John, his wife, Penny, and their "roommates," Walter and Candy. I'm sure they're not the only ones but these folks live on the steps of the building next to the one I work in. They call it their home - the "white house."
John: What do you think is the greatest nation in the world?
Me: I like Tanzania. *uncomfortable giggles*
John: The best nation in the world is a DO-nation.
We chatted and joked for a few more minutes. When John left me hanging on a high five twice I told him I was leaving. Then I was on my way.
I don't have any great lessons from this story. There's nothing especially good about what I did; I gave out of my abundance. As my mom might say, "Woopty doo." If I had hurried past and kept the pizza, I would have felt guilty for a moment, but I would have forgotten that feeling sooner rather than later.
As I walked away, though, I felt it was important to remember their names. I wanted to think of them as John, Penny, Walter, and Candy, not "homeless people." And, without any fancy insights or exhortations, I wanted to tell you all about what was probably the only part of my day I'll remember weeks from now.
Yesterday, my roommate asked how my run went that morning. Whatever I said and however I said it made her respond with, "You're done with running, aren't you?" Eeek!
Apparently, this is a phrase that Jillian Michaels uses. In my online running group, we say, "Suck it up, platypus!" or SIUP!* The way Jillian says it might be a little kinder but, most of the time, kindness isn't enough to get me out of my comfort zone. What I need is a kick in the behind.
If I want to lose weight, I'm going to have to eat differently or more differently. It's not as if I'm eating terribly but over the years, I've developed a lot of food habits. Some of them are good but a lot of them are not as good. I find something I like and then I want all of it or I want it all the time. It may take years, but I need to find new healthier habits to replace the old. I've done this before - it's how I lost the first 70 pounds - and it got easier. My overall diet is drastically improved from what it was a year ago. I got comfortable being uncomfortable.
I have been counting every calorie I eat for the past 14 months. It's boring, time-consuming, and, apparently, useless for me. Sometimes, I think I eat more than I might have or justify poor food choices with the thought, "I have the calories, I can... eat that cake/finish that candy bar/drink another glass of chocolate milk" and so forth.
