That's about how long it took after my last blog post for me to break my shopping ban. As I was driving home, I decided to get McDonald's for dinner. And I didn't just stop with a meal, I also got a shamrock shake ($9.72).
Then, on Saturday, I went to Michaels and bought a bunch of stencils and stamps. ($33.88).
Saturday night, I was watching a YouTube video that included watercolor painting and saw the Gansai Tambi paint set for about the millionth time and dropped $40 on that and some white gel pens I'd been wanting to try. I threw in some underwear, partly because I needed it but mostly to allow myself to justify the whole impulse to shop.
Finally, on Valentine's Day, I went to Taco Bell to grab dinner ($5.65). I don't care about Valentine's Day, I was just having a craving and indulged it.
Lately, I have begun to feel like one great big blobby consumer - nothing more. I earn money, I spend the money, I eat food. My apartment is piled with things.
And it's almost all about anxiety and loneliness. I see what's going on in our country right now, I feel hopeless and empty, I feel the absence of personal connections in my local community, and I go buy things.
I literally sit in my car thinking, "I don't need to spend money this way. It's not going to make me feel better." Then I do it, anyway. This seems to be one of my main coping mechanisms with stress and anxiety but it's not coping at all... It's self-sabotage.
Anyway, it's a day early but tomorrow's my birthday and I'm not blogging. My grand total for against ban spending this past week was $89.25. Rather than reducing to zero, I tripled what I spent in the three weeks prior. I might need to rethink and rejigger this experiment. Maybe a reset for a shorter time period. I'll think about that Saturday.
Three Weeks
I haven't written in three weeks because I was on vacation from January 26 - February 5. Woohoo! It was the first real vacation I've had since I moved to Indiana in late December 2015 and it was gloriously boring.
I've given myself a lot more leeway for spending when I'm out of town but still managed not to go crazy.
January 21-27
I spent an additional $27.42 on fast food while I was on the road but that's allowable under the conditions of my shopping ban. Having spent about 26.5 hours driving during my vacation, I think my fast food spending was kept pretty well in check. Having snacks for the car and taking along breakfast as I set out from Bloomington helped. Honestly, I'm a bit shocked by how little I spent since I built in the fast-food-on-the-road-is-okay rule. My M.O. in such situations would usually be to "treat myself" A LOT but I just didn't for the most part.
Three weeks with less than $40 in against ban spending. I'm going to make my goal for the coming week $0 against ban spending. Going from around $13 a week to zero should be doable.
I've given myself a lot more leeway for spending when I'm out of town but still managed not to go crazy.
January 21-27
- January 24 - Burger King - $8.36 - had a morning meeting away from the office and didn't get creative enough to bring a lunch that didn't need refrigeration.
- January 30 - Michaels - $10.79 - went to the craft store with my mom, realized later than I would have liked about 15 other things more than the one thing I chose to buy.
- February 5 - Michaels - $7.48 - stopped when I got back to Bloomington and bought notebooks. Oy!
- February 7 - McDonald's - $5.55
- February 8 - Taco Bell - $6.60
I spent an additional $27.42 on fast food while I was on the road but that's allowable under the conditions of my shopping ban. Having spent about 26.5 hours driving during my vacation, I think my fast food spending was kept pretty well in check. Having snacks for the car and taking along breakfast as I set out from Bloomington helped. Honestly, I'm a bit shocked by how little I spent since I built in the fast-food-on-the-road-is-okay rule. My M.O. in such situations would usually be to "treat myself" A LOT but I just didn't for the most part.
Three weeks with less than $40 in against ban spending. I'm going to make my goal for the coming week $0 against ban spending. Going from around $13 a week to zero should be doable.
Goal: Accomplished
Last week, I noticed that fast food appeared to be a spending problem for me. [Just typing that I started to have a Taco Bell craving. Argh!] I'm back to say that I didn't eat any fast food at all this week. Yay!
In fact, I cut my against ban spending to less than $25 this week.
The paper at Michaels was a definite impulse buy that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't followed my habit of going there every week after getting done with my volunteer time at the animal shelter. I'll be avoiding that bullshit this week.
Starbucks was a mistake that resulted from not checking how much I had left on my gift card. I thought I had $5 or more left. Turns out I had $2 and some change. Oops. That won't happen again - I only go to Starbucks when I have a gift card. And now I have to admit that this counts as fast food. They have a drive-thru. It counts.
So, I lied, there was one fast food incident this week but I got my against-ban spending down to
$22.64, compared to last week's at more than $50.
I'm about to go on an 11-day "Christmas" vacation. Though I've allowed myself a fast-food-while-on-the-road exception, I'm going to get some snacks and try to make the 13-hour trip back to Northern NY with minimal fast food. I've also made plans for what I will be eating when I return from my trip and will prepare as much as I can ahead of time so as to avoid the trap of spending on fast food after being away. I guess we'll see how I do.
In fact, I cut my against ban spending to less than $25 this week.
- 1/13 - Amazon - $11.09 - Angela Davis, Freedom Is a Constant Struggle
- 1/15 - Michaels - $6.42 - some paper
- 1/15 - Starbucks - $5.13 - chai and cake pops
The paper at Michaels was a definite impulse buy that wouldn't have happened if I hadn't followed my habit of going there every week after getting done with my volunteer time at the animal shelter. I'll be avoiding that bullshit this week.
Starbucks was a mistake that resulted from not checking how much I had left on my gift card. I thought I had $5 or more left. Turns out I had $2 and some change. Oops. That won't happen again - I only go to Starbucks when I have a gift card. And now I have to admit that this counts as fast food. They have a drive-thru. It counts.
So, I lied, there was one fast food incident this week but I got my against-ban spending down to
$22.64, compared to last week's at more than $50.
I'm about to go on an 11-day "Christmas" vacation. Though I've allowed myself a fast-food-while-on-the-road exception, I'm going to get some snacks and try to make the 13-hour trip back to Northern NY with minimal fast food. I've also made plans for what I will be eating when I return from my trip and will prepare as much as I can ahead of time so as to avoid the trap of spending on fast food after being away. I guess we'll see how I do.
13 Days In
I'm not sure if I can even really say I'm on a shopping ban at this point. To wrap my head around it, I'm going to list the things I've purchased so far this year that I've (ostensibly) chosen not to buy.
This is not an exercise in self-flagellation; it's just something I'm going to do every week or two to keep myself accountable and to better understand where my temptations lie. Guilt over this is useless, so I'm going to acknowledge that this is where I am and commit to doing better over the coming week.
Since my biggest temptation seems to be fast food (*cough* Taco Bell *cough*), I'm going to concentrate on avoiding that over the next seven days. One of the strategies I'm going to employ in this regard is cooking some really delicious food this weekend, including pulled pork and homemade bread. I think I am also going to take my credit card out of my wallet on days that I am not likely to need it, which means every week day because I do my grocery shopping on Saturdays.
Major steps forward include joining Unroll.me, which is helping me clean the shopping spam out of my inbox so that I stop "just looking," and I haven't placed any online orders since the ban started. I wasn't concentrating on avoiding online purchases but it has definitely been a source of impulse consumption for me, so it's a win to realize that, though I've looked around several shops, I've managed to talk myself out of each purchase.
One specific item that I was very tempted to buy was a new case for my tablet. The one I had recently broke, so I got a new one that turned out to be spectacularly awful and I started searching for another new one. Then I reminded myself that I already had one that was uselessly covering my old tablet (to be donated) and it turns out that its nicer than I remembered, though it could use a little cleaning. Instead of buying new, I used what I had and am perfectly content with the result. #winning
Until next week!
- 1/12 - Taco Bell - $6.42 - fast food
- 1/10 - Jimmy John's - $12.00 - fast food
- 1/08 - vending machine - $2.85 - trash food
- 1/07 - Michaels - $3.20 - craft supplies
- 1/04 - Taco Bell - $6.71 - fast food
- 1/01 - Joann Fabrics - $5.34 - craft supplies
This is not an exercise in self-flagellation; it's just something I'm going to do every week or two to keep myself accountable and to better understand where my temptations lie. Guilt over this is useless, so I'm going to acknowledge that this is where I am and commit to doing better over the coming week.
Since my biggest temptation seems to be fast food (*cough* Taco Bell *cough*), I'm going to concentrate on avoiding that over the next seven days. One of the strategies I'm going to employ in this regard is cooking some really delicious food this weekend, including pulled pork and homemade bread. I think I am also going to take my credit card out of my wallet on days that I am not likely to need it, which means every week day because I do my grocery shopping on Saturdays.
Major steps forward include joining Unroll.me, which is helping me clean the shopping spam out of my inbox so that I stop "just looking," and I haven't placed any online orders since the ban started. I wasn't concentrating on avoiding online purchases but it has definitely been a source of impulse consumption for me, so it's a win to realize that, though I've looked around several shops, I've managed to talk myself out of each purchase.
One specific item that I was very tempted to buy was a new case for my tablet. The one I had recently broke, so I got a new one that turned out to be spectacularly awful and I started searching for another new one. Then I reminded myself that I already had one that was uselessly covering my old tablet (to be donated) and it turns out that its nicer than I remembered, though it could use a little cleaning. Instead of buying new, I used what I had and am perfectly content with the result. #winning
Until next week!
Taco Bell: My Kryptonite
Last evening, after work, I tried to go to the library. As I should have expected, there were no parking spaces. There are never any parking spaces because our library has like three total and I'm pretty sure lots of people park there and then go to nearby restaurants. FREE PARKING! And no one can prove they weren't at the library (at least, no one's gonna try). I also didn't have money to park on the street because who the hell carries coins anymore?
Anyway, I didn't get to park, meaning I didn't get to get the books I reserved, meaning I was very disappointed. And, in my disappointment, I went to Taco Bell and bought myself dinner. Fast food is one of the things I've decided not to buy over the next six months. So, for the second time in 4 days, I broke my shopping ban.
Rather than viewing this as a failure and taking my normal fatalistic, fuck-it perspective, I'm trying to see this as a lesson. One of my triggers for spending (and eating) is frustration and disappointment. Last night, I did both.
Did it make me feel better? No.
Did it help me get closer to achieving any of my goals? Definitely not.
As I contemplated this situation, I started telling myself that maybe I need to ease into this ban a bit more, go easier on myself. The thing is, though, this ban isn't even really hard on me - the things I'm choosing not to buy are things I don't need and/or already have in abundant supply. So, instead of easing up, I'm going to learn this lesson about my behavior and do better the next time.
Also, I'll celebrate the fact that I've talked myself out of many purchases, including the books I'd like to get from the library... if there's ever parking. ;)
Anyway, I didn't get to park, meaning I didn't get to get the books I reserved, meaning I was very disappointed. And, in my disappointment, I went to Taco Bell and bought myself dinner. Fast food is one of the things I've decided not to buy over the next six months. So, for the second time in 4 days, I broke my shopping ban.
Rather than viewing this as a failure and taking my normal fatalistic, fuck-it perspective, I'm trying to see this as a lesson. One of my triggers for spending (and eating) is frustration and disappointment. Last night, I did both.
Did it make me feel better? No.
Did it help me get closer to achieving any of my goals? Definitely not.
As I contemplated this situation, I started telling myself that maybe I need to ease into this ban a bit more, go easier on myself. The thing is, though, this ban isn't even really hard on me - the things I'm choosing not to buy are things I don't need and/or already have in abundant supply. So, instead of easing up, I'm going to learn this lesson about my behavior and do better the next time.
Also, I'll celebrate the fact that I've talked myself out of many purchases, including the books I'd like to get from the library... if there's ever parking. ;)
Day One
I'm actually on Day Three of my shopping ban, which will last 181 days total, but I thought I should admit that I broke one of my commitments on Day One. I bought art supplies. It wasn't a lot: just some elastic cord and fabric stabilizer that I used in the construction of a traveler's notebook. And it was *only* $5 total (yay coupons!). NBD, right?
It's not really a big deal but NBD spending is one of the reasons I've started this challenge. Going to a store for something "little" every day adds up to not having the money for bigger unexpected expenses. It means saving up for trips or other big ticket items takes longer than necessary or never happens at all. It means feeling too financially strapped to freely give to people I love and organizations doing good work. It also means realizing, as I purge unwanted items again and again, that the reason I'm surrounded by crap I don't care about is because of my NBD spending.
This post is a reminder that the challenge I've undertaken is not some sort of torture or deprivation; it's a way to refocus my priorities and to pursue bigger goals that I've been blocking myself from by constantly dribbling money.
It's not really a big deal but NBD spending is one of the reasons I've started this challenge. Going to a store for something "little" every day adds up to not having the money for bigger unexpected expenses. It means saving up for trips or other big ticket items takes longer than necessary or never happens at all. It means feeling too financially strapped to freely give to people I love and organizations doing good work. It also means realizing, as I purge unwanted items again and again, that the reason I'm surrounded by crap I don't care about is because of my NBD spending.
This post is a reminder that the challenge I've undertaken is not some sort of torture or deprivation; it's a way to refocus my priorities and to pursue bigger goals that I've been blocking myself from by constantly dribbling money.
- Short-term goal #1: Save $250 to purchase bulk quantities of paper and book board by the end of March.
- Short-term goal #2: Spend within my monthly income in January and February despite travel plans.
- Sub-goal: Don't buy banned items while traveling.
New Focus
It's been over a year since I posted and, as I restart, I'm refocusing.
Two things that have become very important to me over the past several years are simplicity and mindful spending. Practicing simplicity has been a lot easier for me than curbing my impulse spending, so I'm embarking on a challenge inspired by Cait Flanders, a Canadian personal finance blogger who, for two years, embraced a shopping ban.
During her shopping ban, Cait had very specific rules about what she would and would not buy. I've decided to do something similar. And, for my own benefit, I'm going to write about it here. Making resolutions is easy but, without accountability, mine usually fizzle - like my running habit.
My shopping ban will begin January 1 and continue until June 30.
The reasons I have decided to undertake this challenge are:
As you can see, one of my goals for the next six months is to begin bookbinding again. In the past, I've been able to make some extra money by selling my crafts and I'd like to do that again with more intention. So, though I won't be buying stickers and paint and washi tape like they're going out of style, I will need to source and purchase the supplies needed to produce and ship my books and other wares. One of my first challenges will be sourcing paper for the pages and davey board for the covers. If, at the end of six months, I haven't been able to turn at least a minimal profit, I will reevaluate this project.
Two things that have become very important to me over the past several years are simplicity and mindful spending. Practicing simplicity has been a lot easier for me than curbing my impulse spending, so I'm embarking on a challenge inspired by Cait Flanders, a Canadian personal finance blogger who, for two years, embraced a shopping ban.
During her shopping ban, Cait had very specific rules about what she would and would not buy. I've decided to do something similar. And, for my own benefit, I'm going to write about it here. Making resolutions is easy but, without accountability, mine usually fizzle - like my running habit.
My shopping ban will begin January 1 and continue until June 30.
The reasons I have decided to undertake this challenge are:
- to be more generous,
- to stop accumulating and consuming mindlessly
- to save more money, particularly to build up my emergency fund,
- to pay down my student debt, and
- to start bookbinding again.
- books, including notebooks and journals
- stationery and art supplies
- home decor and furniture (unless something is broken AND needs replacement)
- bags and totes and wallets and storage containers
- fast food (unless I am traveling out of Indiana)
- casual clothes
- toiletries and cleaning supplies (unless I run out)
As you can see, one of my goals for the next six months is to begin bookbinding again. In the past, I've been able to make some extra money by selling my crafts and I'd like to do that again with more intention. So, though I won't be buying stickers and paint and washi tape like they're going out of style, I will need to source and purchase the supplies needed to produce and ship my books and other wares. One of my first challenges will be sourcing paper for the pages and davey board for the covers. If, at the end of six months, I haven't been able to turn at least a minimal profit, I will reevaluate this project.
Official Race Recap: Hood to Coast Version
It's been a really long time since I've even considered writing a blog but I recently ran the Mother of All Relays and have received some requests for a recap. So, here goes. I apologize in advance to my teammates because after re-reading what I wrote, I realized it's so ALL about me. For a great recap from Bavana 1, check out Amy's blog.
If you don't know what Hood to Coast is, you should watch the documentary. It doesn't give a perfect representation of the course but it certainly shows the spirit of the event. I arrived in Portland on Tuesday afternoon and the race didn't begin until Friday. I'm going to skip over the sightseeing and get directly to the race.
Our team wasn't completely assembled until Thursday at 10:30 p.m. but most people arrived earlier on Wednesday and Thursday. That gave us some time to prepare the vans and hang out together. Our team name was Neon Banana Hammock, so we tethered inflatable bananas to the top of our minivans and wrote all over the windows with neon yellow. We also had a stock of banana runts to share with other teams.
Thanks to our wonderful hosts, Lonnie and Roni, most of us were able to stay under the same roof. It was like overnight camp for adults - air mattresses filled the first floor.
Regular HTC teams have 12 people, split into two vans. That's how ours worked except that my van, Bavana 2, had a designated driver. Many teams rent 15-passenger or party vans; we were in minivans. Though it was necessarily comfortable to have all seven Bavana 2'ers in there at once, minivans were much more maneuverable along the narrow roads and in the crowded parking lots.
Our teams were as follows and this is the order we ran in:
Bavana 1: Amy, One-Hour Sheri, Cathy, Susan, Lonnie, Christine
Bavana 2: Jim, Jennifer, Michelle, Two-Hour Sherri, me, Jamie, and David (our driver)
Bavana 1 had to get up and out of the house at about 4:30 a.m. for the 7:15 start at Timberline Lodge on Mount Hood. Since van 2 wasn't allowed at the start line, the rest of us got to sleep in. As with most races, though, nerves and adrenaline and time zone differences woke the rest of us much earlier than necessary. So,we got a good breakfast and were at the first exchange several hours in advance.
It was a lot of fun to see how creative teams had gotten with their names and decorations. One van was sporting a giant, lit up tiara. Another was inspired by "All Your Base Are Belong to Us." Bavana 1 had already lost their car-top banana. Ours was hanging on but wouldn't last very long into our first leg.
Since I was Leg 11, I didn't start my first portion until 6:25 p.m. It was 4.5 miles along a mostly flat paved trail. Considering the ascents and descents some of my teammates encountered, I was grateful that my untrained body got an easy one. Even so, it took me well over an hour in 90F temps to cover the distance. When I handed off to Jamie, in his purple running get-up, I was grateful for icy water Jim brought to the exchange and the knowledge that we'd get to sleep after Jamie's run.
Jamie's run brought us into the city. After he handed off to Amy, his wife, we hopped into the van and headed toward our next van exchange near St. Helens, where we were also hoping to get some food. As it went, though, there was very little open - even Burger King only had the drive thru - so we ended up raiding Fred Meyer's deli section, where I got the driest chicken bits in the history of the world.
By the time we got to the exchange, we had about 4 hours before our next runner needed to go. The plan was for most of us to sleep outside but then the rain came. Let me tell you, seven adults attempting to sleep in a minivan is a volatile situation. When you're already tired and uncomfortable and hungry, trying to sleep sitting up as the heat continues to build is bound to set someone off. Eventually, some people decided it was more desirable to lay down than to be dry, so they ventured into the intermittent rain for some horizontal time.
We struggled to get rest until the exchange was made around 4:30 a.m., in a downpour, then we left Bavana 1 and headed to our next exchange. It was as we were waiting at the next exchange that tired giddiness hit me, Jamie, and Michelle. We were giggling like schoolchildren in the back of the van. This did not make for great sleeping conditions for our other vanmate, Sherri.
I felt bad for our runners who were going out on these legs because driving up and down the curvy roads in the rainy dark was nerve-wracking enough. But Jim, Jennifer, and Michelle made it through.
As we were waiting for my second leg to begin, the sweeper van arrived at the exchange and started taking away all the race paraphernalia. It was simultaneously fun and anxiety-inducing to realize we were the very last team on the course. As I almost got hit by a car within the first quarter mile of my second leg, my anxiety didn't seem unfounded. Just after the unobservant car passed me, my team slowed down. I was rattled and feeling quite unsafe. They said, "Get in!" I'd like to say it took more convincing than it did but I was genuinely scared of being out on the course completely alone, so I jumped in.
By this point, we were also so behind schedule that we were hoping the HTC staff would let us "leapfrog," which means putting multiple runners on the course at the same time. Our teammates spoke to some race volunteers and officials but, despite terrible rain and 70 MPH wind gusts, they took some convincing. We finally got the go-ahead around 1 p.m. (I think... time moves weirdly during a relay race.)
If they had made us finish with one runner at a time, we would have been on the course until midnight or later. Problem is that the course closes at 9 p.m. Not to mention that the high winds and rain had completely shut down the party at the end, blowing away tents, merch, and maybe a few runners.
Now that we were officially leapfrogging, we put most of our team out at their last legs. Jamie, our last runner, was the only one who stayed in the van with David.
As we approached the coast, the wind became almost unbearable. It wasn't particularly cold but it was intensely strong. The first mile or so that I ran was significantly uphill along some windy, beautiful roads. The remaining 5.5 were along a straight gravel path with very gradual ascents and declines. All of the runners were trying to stay on the most worn, flat track, so except for the occasional pass (a.k.a. "kill"), everyone was in single file. It reminded me of the scene in Call of the Wild with all of the miners climbing the glacier in a row. Except for some very brief respites, the wind made it feel like someone was holding me from behind to prevent me from moving forward.
My team thought I was going to take longer than I did, so as I was going into the exchange point, I passed our last runner, Jamie, and Bavana 2 stopped to pick me up so we could drive to the finish line. I was completely out of it. All I wanted was food and a comfortable chair (a.k.a. a bed). I don't really know how we all made it through the two hour drive home but we did and there was pizza and beer and apple pie moonshine waiting for us there.
Surprisingly, most of us managed to stay awake until after 10 p.m. Not sure why we did that other than that it was a lot of fun. Then we all slept like the dead.
If you don't know what Hood to Coast is, you should watch the documentary. It doesn't give a perfect representation of the course but it certainly shows the spirit of the event. I arrived in Portland on Tuesday afternoon and the race didn't begin until Friday. I'm going to skip over the sightseeing and get directly to the race.
Our team wasn't completely assembled until Thursday at 10:30 p.m. but most people arrived earlier on Wednesday and Thursday. That gave us some time to prepare the vans and hang out together. Our team name was Neon Banana Hammock, so we tethered inflatable bananas to the top of our minivans and wrote all over the windows with neon yellow. We also had a stock of banana runts to share with other teams.
Thanks to our wonderful hosts, Lonnie and Roni, most of us were able to stay under the same roof. It was like overnight camp for adults - air mattresses filled the first floor.
Regular HTC teams have 12 people, split into two vans. That's how ours worked except that my van, Bavana 2, had a designated driver. Many teams rent 15-passenger or party vans; we were in minivans. Though it was necessarily comfortable to have all seven Bavana 2'ers in there at once, minivans were much more maneuverable along the narrow roads and in the crowded parking lots.
Our teams were as follows and this is the order we ran in:
Bavana 1: Amy, One-Hour Sheri, Cathy, Susan, Lonnie, Christine
Bavana 2: Jim, Jennifer, Michelle, Two-Hour Sherri, me, Jamie, and David (our driver)
Bavana 1 had to get up and out of the house at about 4:30 a.m. for the 7:15 start at Timberline Lodge on Mount Hood. Since van 2 wasn't allowed at the start line, the rest of us got to sleep in. As with most races, though, nerves and adrenaline and time zone differences woke the rest of us much earlier than necessary. So,we got a good breakfast and were at the first exchange several hours in advance.
It was a lot of fun to see how creative teams had gotten with their names and decorations. One van was sporting a giant, lit up tiara. Another was inspired by "All Your Base Are Belong to Us." Bavana 1 had already lost their car-top banana. Ours was hanging on but wouldn't last very long into our first leg.
Since I was Leg 11, I didn't start my first portion until 6:25 p.m. It was 4.5 miles along a mostly flat paved trail. Considering the ascents and descents some of my teammates encountered, I was grateful that my untrained body got an easy one. Even so, it took me well over an hour in 90F temps to cover the distance. When I handed off to Jamie, in his purple running get-up, I was grateful for icy water Jim brought to the exchange and the knowledge that we'd get to sleep after Jamie's run.
Jamie's run brought us into the city. After he handed off to Amy, his wife, we hopped into the van and headed toward our next van exchange near St. Helens, where we were also hoping to get some food. As it went, though, there was very little open - even Burger King only had the drive thru - so we ended up raiding Fred Meyer's deli section, where I got the driest chicken bits in the history of the world.
By the time we got to the exchange, we had about 4 hours before our next runner needed to go. The plan was for most of us to sleep outside but then the rain came. Let me tell you, seven adults attempting to sleep in a minivan is a volatile situation. When you're already tired and uncomfortable and hungry, trying to sleep sitting up as the heat continues to build is bound to set someone off. Eventually, some people decided it was more desirable to lay down than to be dry, so they ventured into the intermittent rain for some horizontal time.
We struggled to get rest until the exchange was made around 4:30 a.m., in a downpour, then we left Bavana 1 and headed to our next exchange. It was as we were waiting at the next exchange that tired giddiness hit me, Jamie, and Michelle. We were giggling like schoolchildren in the back of the van. This did not make for great sleeping conditions for our other vanmate, Sherri.
I felt bad for our runners who were going out on these legs because driving up and down the curvy roads in the rainy dark was nerve-wracking enough. But Jim, Jennifer, and Michelle made it through.
As we were waiting for my second leg to begin, the sweeper van arrived at the exchange and started taking away all the race paraphernalia. It was simultaneously fun and anxiety-inducing to realize we were the very last team on the course. As I almost got hit by a car within the first quarter mile of my second leg, my anxiety didn't seem unfounded. Just after the unobservant car passed me, my team slowed down. I was rattled and feeling quite unsafe. They said, "Get in!" I'd like to say it took more convincing than it did but I was genuinely scared of being out on the course completely alone, so I jumped in.
By this point, we were also so behind schedule that we were hoping the HTC staff would let us "leapfrog," which means putting multiple runners on the course at the same time. Our teammates spoke to some race volunteers and officials but, despite terrible rain and 70 MPH wind gusts, they took some convincing. We finally got the go-ahead around 1 p.m. (I think... time moves weirdly during a relay race.)
If they had made us finish with one runner at a time, we would have been on the course until midnight or later. Problem is that the course closes at 9 p.m. Not to mention that the high winds and rain had completely shut down the party at the end, blowing away tents, merch, and maybe a few runners.
Now that we were officially leapfrogging, we put most of our team out at their last legs. Jamie, our last runner, was the only one who stayed in the van with David.
As we approached the coast, the wind became almost unbearable. It wasn't particularly cold but it was intensely strong. The first mile or so that I ran was significantly uphill along some windy, beautiful roads. The remaining 5.5 were along a straight gravel path with very gradual ascents and declines. All of the runners were trying to stay on the most worn, flat track, so except for the occasional pass (a.k.a. "kill"), everyone was in single file. It reminded me of the scene in Call of the Wild with all of the miners climbing the glacier in a row. Except for some very brief respites, the wind made it feel like someone was holding me from behind to prevent me from moving forward.
My team thought I was going to take longer than I did, so as I was going into the exchange point, I passed our last runner, Jamie, and Bavana 2 stopped to pick me up so we could drive to the finish line. I was completely out of it. All I wanted was food and a comfortable chair (a.k.a. a bed). I don't really know how we all made it through the two hour drive home but we did and there was pizza and beer and apple pie moonshine waiting for us there.
Surprisingly, most of us managed to stay awake until after 10 p.m. Not sure why we did that other than that it was a lot of fun. Then we all slept like the dead.
Nothing New Under the Sun
I've been doing a lot of thinking over the past week or so. That's not unusual; sometimes too much of my life takes place inside my head.
I started running just a little less than two years ago. Over the past eight months, my running career has been spotty, at best. Every time I try to get restarted, life gets in the way or I hurt myself and I stop almost as soon as I've started.
So, I started thinking about how I got back on the road to fitness. It didn't begin with running, it began with healthy eating.
After I'd been doing well with that for a few months, I decided it was time to start exercising. Still, no running. In fact, I wasn't even considering running because I'd always hated it. Instead, I jumped into cardio, strength training, and yoga.
I tried running after about two weeks of consistently exercising and still hated it. So, I started walking for 60 minutes, 3 mornings a week. The routes I chose were hilly and challenging.
After two weeks of that, I gave running another shot with a new strategy. It stuck for 16 months.
For a while, I've been telling myself that The Runner's World Half and Festival, in October, is my goal race, wanting to cut a full hour off my time from last year. That would mean needing a PR in at least one of the races, which are all run on very hilly, challenging courses.
So, I'm changing my goals:
Thanks to everyone who's continued to support me as I've dragged a bit for the past few months. Knowing that people believe in me has made a big difference and kept me from falling into what have previously been years long exercise breaks.
I started running just a little less than two years ago. Over the past eight months, my running career has been spotty, at best. Every time I try to get restarted, life gets in the way or I hurt myself and I stop almost as soon as I've started.
So, I started thinking about how I got back on the road to fitness. It didn't begin with running, it began with healthy eating.
After I'd been doing well with that for a few months, I decided it was time to start exercising. Still, no running. In fact, I wasn't even considering running because I'd always hated it. Instead, I jumped into cardio, strength training, and yoga.
I tried running after about two weeks of consistently exercising and still hated it. So, I started walking for 60 minutes, 3 mornings a week. The routes I chose were hilly and challenging.
After two weeks of that, I gave running another shot with a new strategy. It stuck for 16 months.
For a while, I've been telling myself that The Runner's World Half and Festival, in October, is my goal race, wanting to cut a full hour off my time from last year. That would mean needing a PR in at least one of the races, which are all run on very hilly, challenging courses.
So, I'm changing my goals:
- As of now, I am commencing my month of six-days-a-week cardio with no running. I need to build some lung capacity and muscle strength before I hit the road again.
- At the RW Half Festival I want to have as much fun as possible with all the friends that will be there and get below 5 hours total for all three races. (Last year's time was nearly 5:30:00 total.)
- In November, when I run the Across the Bay 10k, I am going to try for a PR. My 10k times have been some of my slowest, so I don't think this will be a terrible stretch.
- My new half marathon goal race is the Frederick Half in May 2015. It's my current PR. I had to defer my entry for this year because of my lack of training but I have the time and I know what I need to do.
Thanks to everyone who's continued to support me as I've dragged a bit for the past few months. Knowing that people believe in me has made a big difference and kept me from falling into what have previously been years long exercise breaks.
Learning About Myself
As part of a leadership training program in my organization, I took the Enneagram personality assessment. If you're in to that kind of thing, follow the link and learn your type. Because used a paid site, we got in-depth results. Turns out, my score for Type 5 (the Thinker) was only three points higher than my score for 9 (the Peacemaker).
Interestingly, these types have a lot in common: the shared traits with which I most strongly identify are the tendency to withdraw and become isolated and the difficulty connecting with and expressing emotions. Apparently, Nines (which I grudgingly concede I probably am) often have trouble discerning their true type because their identities are so tied to other people.
Anyway, I've found one bit particularly fascinating: for both Fives and Nines, part of the advice for personal growth is regular exercise.
So, maybe part of the reason I'm afraid to get back at it is that I don't know which emotions are going to come up when I do. I'm not giving up, though, so I guess we'll see.
Did you click the link? What's your type? Did the description ring true?
Interestingly, these types have a lot in common: the shared traits with which I most strongly identify are the tendency to withdraw and become isolated and the difficulty connecting with and expressing emotions. Apparently, Nines (which I grudgingly concede I probably am) often have trouble discerning their true type because their identities are so tied to other people.Anyway, I've found one bit particularly fascinating: for both Fives and Nines, part of the advice for personal growth is regular exercise.
"[Fives] tend to be extremely intense and so high-strung that it's difficult to relax and unwind. Make an effort to learn to calm down in a healthy way... Exercising or using biofeedback techniques will help channel some of your tremendous nervous energy. Meditation, jogging, yoga, and dancing are especially helpful for [Type Fives]."
And for Type Nine: "Exercise frequently to become more aware of your body and emotions... Regular exercise is a healthy form of self-discipline and will increase your awareness of your feelings and other sensations. A body awareness will allow you to concentrate and focus your attention in other areas of your life as well. Exercise is also a good way to get in touch with and release aggression."I've experienced this. When I was running regularly and eating well, I was so much more aware of my emotions and less overwhelmed by them. I cried more often but felt better. I didn't have the frequent headaches and nausea and fatigue that are probably related to the emotions I've been covering with food and suppressing with hours of television instead of feeling and releasing.
So, maybe part of the reason I'm afraid to get back at it is that I don't know which emotions are going to come up when I do. I'm not giving up, though, so I guess we'll see.
Did you click the link? What's your type? Did the description ring true?
Stop the World!
It's been close to three months since I've written. Everything keeps moving and I'm fighting hard to keep going forward at the same pace as my life. Let me tell you about it.
I wasn't keen on living in the city but there are some really good things about it, chief among them that I will be able to commute by foot every day. Soon enough, I plan to be a run commuter, making my morning trip to work my mileage for the day. I'm looking into a good pack for this purpose so that I can comfortably transport my clothes, breakfast, and lunch for each day.
Another good thing is that there are no fast food restaurants on my route. And, even if there were, I am much more reluctant to walk into a fast food place than to patronize the drive-thru. So, I'll be avoiding a lot of my poorest eating habits. For the moment, we don't have a kitchen in the house, so I'm pretty much eating raw veggies and fruit and pita chips because they're easy.
Also, I'm considering going car-less. It's much more expensive to have my car in the city and it's getting old enough that sooner or later it's going to need some major repair or another that will wipe out my savings. If that happens before I decide to sell it, I'm going to donate it somewhere instead of getting it repaired.
Life is changing and I feel like I've finally let go of the illusion of control enough to be moving at the same speed it has been. Stay tuned for more updates.
- I went to Los Angeles and did my part to help with The Justice Conference, an event that World Relief helped found just a few years ago.
- After LA, I headed up to Seattle for five days of vacation. Yay for a $120 trip to Seattle!
- Upon my return, I learned that my roommate was moving out and I began the hunt for a new roommate to share my apartment. The hunt was, ultimately, unsuccessful, mostly because I didn't feel like living with someone I'd met through Craigslist.
- My promotion, that took effect February 1, was announced to the organization. I moved up from Administrative Assistant to Marketing Coordinator.
- I learned that a friend from work had bought a house in Baltimore and was going to be looking for a tenant. I jumped on that train.
- Once the decision was made to move into the city, I started sorting, purging, and packing my belongings. I also started daydreaming about building my own tiny house one day and took a few steps to start saving toward that end. Building a tiny house will also involve even more sorting and purging over the next few years.
- Throughout April, I moved things to my new home. It took two full carloads and one cargo van to move all my things, including my furniture. For some, this doesn't sound like much but I'd like to be rid of at least one more carload, maybe both, by the end of 2015.
- Last weekend was the final move - furniture and the last few boxes. On Monday, I spent about seven hours cleaning my old place. It's amazing how messy things can get after almost 2 1/2 years.
I wasn't keen on living in the city but there are some really good things about it, chief among them that I will be able to commute by foot every day. Soon enough, I plan to be a run commuter, making my morning trip to work my mileage for the day. I'm looking into a good pack for this purpose so that I can comfortably transport my clothes, breakfast, and lunch for each day.
Another good thing is that there are no fast food restaurants on my route. And, even if there were, I am much more reluctant to walk into a fast food place than to patronize the drive-thru. So, I'll be avoiding a lot of my poorest eating habits. For the moment, we don't have a kitchen in the house, so I'm pretty much eating raw veggies and fruit and pita chips because they're easy.
Also, I'm considering going car-less. It's much more expensive to have my car in the city and it's getting old enough that sooner or later it's going to need some major repair or another that will wipe out my savings. If that happens before I decide to sell it, I'm going to donate it somewhere instead of getting it repaired.
Life is changing and I feel like I've finally let go of the illusion of control enough to be moving at the same speed it has been. Stay tuned for more updates.
A Lot to Love
I don't go out of my way to promote many things but I want to tell you all about an amazing idea that my friend's twin boys brought to life.
I'm not sure how old they were when they had the idea but it was already making news back in 2012, when they were ten.
Ben and Sam are twins. They make twin monsters. Ben designs and Sam, with the help of their lowly assistant/dad, Ray, sews, and they have stuffing parties to get the monsters ready to go. When one monster is sold, it goes to the purchaser and its twin goes to a child who could use A Monster to Love - maybe because he's in the hospital or she's a refugee who just arrived in the United States.
I've admired the boys' initiative ever since I learned about it a little over a year ago but it really hit me today what a blessing their efforts are.
A college classmate has twin boys, one of whom happens to be named Ben. Less than a week ago, Ben was diagnosed with a brain tumor and, today, he had surgery. In order to gather prayers and support, another college friend organized "Wear Blue for Ben Day" because that's been "his color" since he was born - a way to tell the boys apart.
I posted a photo on Instagram of myself wearing blue and mentioned that it was for my friend's son who was having brain surgery.
Later, I got a message from Ray asking for an address where they could send Ben a monster. When I told Ray that Ben has a twin, his response was, "WHAT? Awesome we will send two..."
Though I have no doubt that Ben will receive numerous cards and any number of gifts, I can imagine that his monster, made by another set of twins, not so many years older than he is, might become a little boy's treasure.
Every time I've thought about Ben over the past few days, I've been overcome by sadness - questions about why any family would have to endure this kind of trial - but, alongside that sadness, there has been the evidence of an incredible response of love from thousands of people, near and far, many of whom have never met Ben and his family - including two teenage boys in Colorado who make monsters.
If you think of little Ben, please pray or send good thoughts for him and his family. The surgery went well, he's in recovery, and has even been alert enough to ask for things. His family won't know what kind of tumor it was for as much as a week and I'm sure the waiting will not be easy. From there, they will have to decide further treatment options.
And, if you have any kids who need gifts, check out A Monster to Love. They are doing good stuff!
I'm not sure how old they were when they had the idea but it was already making news back in 2012, when they were ten.
Ben and Sam are twins. They make twin monsters. Ben designs and Sam, with the help of their lowly assistant/dad, Ray, sews, and they have stuffing parties to get the monsters ready to go. When one monster is sold, it goes to the purchaser and its twin goes to a child who could use A Monster to Love - maybe because he's in the hospital or she's a refugee who just arrived in the United States.
I've admired the boys' initiative ever since I learned about it a little over a year ago but it really hit me today what a blessing their efforts are.
A college classmate has twin boys, one of whom happens to be named Ben. Less than a week ago, Ben was diagnosed with a brain tumor and, today, he had surgery. In order to gather prayers and support, another college friend organized "Wear Blue for Ben Day" because that's been "his color" since he was born - a way to tell the boys apart.
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| Wearing #blueforBen |
Later, I got a message from Ray asking for an address where they could send Ben a monster. When I told Ray that Ben has a twin, his response was, "WHAT? Awesome we will send two..."
Though I have no doubt that Ben will receive numerous cards and any number of gifts, I can imagine that his monster, made by another set of twins, not so many years older than he is, might become a little boy's treasure.
Every time I've thought about Ben over the past few days, I've been overcome by sadness - questions about why any family would have to endure this kind of trial - but, alongside that sadness, there has been the evidence of an incredible response of love from thousands of people, near and far, many of whom have never met Ben and his family - including two teenage boys in Colorado who make monsters.
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| These are the actual monsters being sent to Ben and his brother. Photo courtesy of Ray @ A Monster to Love |
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| A banner created for the Facebook event by a friend of Ben's family. |
13.1 Training Group
If you've been reading my blog for any time at all, you know that I've been struggling with the motivation to stay active. Considering the fact that one of the two races I'm signed up for this year is coming up in less than three months, I knew I needed to get my act together if I wanted the whole experience to not suck.
Last week, I went on a group run at Fleet Feet Baltimore (FFB) as part of the launch of the Brooks Transcend. The shoe wasn't really for me but I met a new friend while out for a few miles and she encouraged me to think about doing my half marathon training with FFB.
My biggest concerns were money and travel - the program costs $129 and most of the group runs are at least a 20-minute drive from my home, usually more. Cindy offered to carpool, which put to rest one objection, and then I got my tax returns and a raise in the same week, putting to rest my concerns about the registration fee. Along the way, I also got advice from more experienced runner friends who thought a training group sounded like a good idea for me at this time, to provide both encouragement and accountability.
This morning was my first run with the training group. It was a fun bunch of people. I was in the 1:1::run:walk group. We were estimating 12-13 minute miles but actually ended up with 13-14 minutes. Since we did nearly six of them (about twice and long as I've run in months), the slow roll helped me endure the distance.
My group of runners was fairly large and some people moved ahead while others fell behind. As is typical of me, I ended up smack dab in the middle of these two groups, running by myself. It didn't bother me but, apparently, it bothered the program director, who made me choose. She was worried that I was trying to keep up with the folks ahead of me. I wasn't, for the record, I was just running my own pace.
It's amazing how running with people made the time on the road more bearable. On my own, over the past week, I'd run three other times. Even getting in 2.5 miles was killing me. With the group, 6 was doable, even enjoyable. Someone else was calling out our intervals, so I barely paid attention to my watch. And, because I was not alone, I knew I wouldn't cut my distance short unless there was a very good reason.
I did punk out on one run interval but it was on a steep uphill and, since everyone else was jogging so slowly, I kept up with the group easily.
This "long run" pretty much wiped me out. I forgot what a lovely feeling it is to be tired from working out. I didn't sleep well last night either, so I ended up napping for three hours this afternoon - just making up for the time I was awake between 3 and 6 a.m.
I think I made the right decision signing up for a training program. Next money to spend on running: new shoes. Mine are worn out.
What helps you stay motivated?
Have you ever trained with a group? Was it a positive experience? Would you do it again/recommend it?
Last week, I went on a group run at Fleet Feet Baltimore (FFB) as part of the launch of the Brooks Transcend. The shoe wasn't really for me but I met a new friend while out for a few miles and she encouraged me to think about doing my half marathon training with FFB.
My biggest concerns were money and travel - the program costs $129 and most of the group runs are at least a 20-minute drive from my home, usually more. Cindy offered to carpool, which put to rest one objection, and then I got my tax returns and a raise in the same week, putting to rest my concerns about the registration fee. Along the way, I also got advice from more experienced runner friends who thought a training group sounded like a good idea for me at this time, to provide both encouragement and accountability.
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| I was not into being awake this morning. |
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| Posing for the camera before we headed out to run. Photo courtesy of FFB |
It's amazing how running with people made the time on the road more bearable. On my own, over the past week, I'd run three other times. Even getting in 2.5 miles was killing me. With the group, 6 was doable, even enjoyable. Someone else was calling out our intervals, so I barely paid attention to my watch. And, because I was not alone, I knew I wouldn't cut my distance short unless there was a very good reason.
I did punk out on one run interval but it was on a steep uphill and, since everyone else was jogging so slowly, I kept up with the group easily.
This "long run" pretty much wiped me out. I forgot what a lovely feeling it is to be tired from working out. I didn't sleep well last night either, so I ended up napping for three hours this afternoon - just making up for the time I was awake between 3 and 6 a.m.
I think I made the right decision signing up for a training program. Next money to spend on running: new shoes. Mine are worn out.
What helps you stay motivated?
Have you ever trained with a group? Was it a positive experience? Would you do it again/recommend it?
Recipe: Vegan Cole Slaw
I just invented my first (on purpose) vegan recipe that is good enough to share! I've invented a few others that weren't even worth repeating, much less sharing, but this one is excellent.
I've been loving me some cabbage lately. Last week, I roasted some and it was superb. This week, I wanted to go with something raw instead. And what better dish for raw cabbage than cole slaw?
The challenge was the sauce, which is usually mayonnaise-based. The eggs were out with a vegan diet. Oil and salt were out with the Eat to Live Challenge. I did a little research but all the mayonnaise replacements I found had oil in them. So, I got creative.
Ingredients
For the salad:
1 head of cabbage (I used half red and half Savoy)
1 medium onion
1 apple
Carrots (I used 5 small ones)
For the dressing:
3/4 cup raw cashews
1 large clove garlic
juice from 1 lemon
1/4 cup vinegar of your choice (I used red wine)
1 Tbsp Bragg's Liquid Aminos
1/2 tsp dill seed
1/2 tsp fennel seed
freshly ground pepper to taste
Directions
I've been loving me some cabbage lately. Last week, I roasted some and it was superb. This week, I wanted to go with something raw instead. And what better dish for raw cabbage than cole slaw?
The challenge was the sauce, which is usually mayonnaise-based. The eggs were out with a vegan diet. Oil and salt were out with the Eat to Live Challenge. I did a little research but all the mayonnaise replacements I found had oil in them. So, I got creative.
Ingredients
For the salad:
1 head of cabbage (I used half red and half Savoy)
1 medium onion
1 apple
Carrots (I used 5 small ones)
For the dressing:
3/4 cup raw cashews
1 large clove garlic
juice from 1 lemon
1/4 cup vinegar of your choice (I used red wine)
1 Tbsp Bragg's Liquid Aminos
1/2 tsp dill seed
1/2 tsp fennel seed
freshly ground pepper to taste
Directions
- Soak the cashews in water overnight.
- Slice the cabbage, onions, apple, and carrots however you'd like to. I sliced everything thinly, including the carrots.
- Drain any excess water off the cashews and put aside. Add all the dressing ingredients to a blender or food processor and blend until smooth and creamy. Add back the cashew water as needed to get the sauce to your desired consistency.
- Add the sauce to the sliced vegetables and toss until they are coated.
- Enjoy!
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| The finished product is beautiful and delicious. |
Midterm Report Card
I have been doing the Eat to Live Challenge for three weeks now.
That feels like a lie because I went off-plan A LOT this week. Peanut butter straight from the jar to fast food, I went off the rails.
Today was the worst. I ate Burger King for lunch and then Taco Bell for dinner. I felt awful after lunch. And the so-called "food" didn't even taste good. Except for the first few French fries, everything was either flavorless or tasted faintly of plastic. But that didn't stop me from making a run for the Border a few hours later.
It was as if I had to test it; I had to see if I could really feel a difference so soon, if it was really the food making me feel gross.
TMI alert: After my Taco Bell dinner, I felt so bad I actually contemplated making myself throw up. I felt like crap. The ability to avoid regurgitation is a point of pride for me, so thinking of doing it on purpose shows just how disgusting I felt. I expected to feel some effect after eating well for two-and-a-half weeks but I didn't expect to feel the impact so immediately. Headache. Nausea. Grogginess. And my skin felt tingly for a while.
Though I'd like to beat myself up for deviating from the plan (again), I'm looking at this experience as part of the grand experiment.
Has eating a mostly plant-based diet changed my body in only three weeks?
The answer is an unequivocal yes. My body loves eating a plant-based diet and "cheating" has helped me to see what a vast difference eating primarily whole foods has already made in my health. Though I don't enjoy feeling sick, it has helped me recognize some of the "symptoms" I'd been experiencing for the past several months/years that have disappeared in the past couple of weeks.
Going into this challenge, I was not expecting to come out the other side a vegan but, with each passing day, I am increasingly convinced that it might be the best option for me.
Here's to renewed commitment for the next three weeks.
That feels like a lie because I went off-plan A LOT this week. Peanut butter straight from the jar to fast food, I went off the rails.
Today was the worst. I ate Burger King for lunch and then Taco Bell for dinner. I felt awful after lunch. And the so-called "food" didn't even taste good. Except for the first few French fries, everything was either flavorless or tasted faintly of plastic. But that didn't stop me from making a run for the Border a few hours later.
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| My lunch and dinner tasted about like what I imagine plastic play food might. |
TMI alert: After my Taco Bell dinner, I felt so bad I actually contemplated making myself throw up. I felt like crap. The ability to avoid regurgitation is a point of pride for me, so thinking of doing it on purpose shows just how disgusting I felt. I expected to feel some effect after eating well for two-and-a-half weeks but I didn't expect to feel the impact so immediately. Headache. Nausea. Grogginess. And my skin felt tingly for a while.
Though I'd like to beat myself up for deviating from the plan (again), I'm looking at this experience as part of the grand experiment.
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| It's hard to get back on once you're off but not impossible. |
The answer is an unequivocal yes. My body loves eating a plant-based diet and "cheating" has helped me to see what a vast difference eating primarily whole foods has already made in my health. Though I don't enjoy feeling sick, it has helped me recognize some of the "symptoms" I'd been experiencing for the past several months/years that have disappeared in the past couple of weeks.
Going into this challenge, I was not expecting to come out the other side a vegan but, with each passing day, I am increasingly convinced that it might be the best option for me.
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| I'll do my best never to make people feel like this around me. |
In Which I Wax Eloquent About Cabbage
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| "What a superbly featured room and what excellent boiled potatoes. It is many years since I had such an exemplary vegetable. To which of my fair cousins should I compliment the excellence of the cooking?" Mr. Collins, BBC's Pride and Prejudice |
I discovered a while ago that I love most vegetables roasted. Cruciferous vegetables are some of my favorites. Until now, I've always coated them in oil and salt. Today, I just put a head of cabbage, sliced into eight wedges, into a 400*F oven and let it bathe in the heat for 45 minutes, with one flip for even cooking.
In the midst of the cooking, I asked my roommate if she smelled baking bread. When I took the cabbage out to flip it, I realized that my cabbage was creating that gorgeous, buttery fresh bread scent. Even before I got a taste, my mouth was watering. If it smelled that good, how could it taste anything but wonderful?
To make it a meal, I sauteed some tofu, marinated in Braggs Liquid Aminos, and threw some pomegranate on top.
Let me tell you, I was not disappointed. The cabbage was a delight. Some of the outer leaves had crisped perfectly, adding a beautiful texture. The innermost leaves were the best, sweet and savory at the same time, while retaining a bit of the crisp texture cabbage is known for.
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| This is what it looked like. Love the deep colors! |
The only reason I was able to eat the last bite without sadness was that I knew the other half of the cabbage was waiting for tomorrow's dinner and a whole other head is waiting in the crisper drawer of my fridge.
Even if you don't like cabbage, give this a chance. It's a game changer!
Three Chips
I ate three chips today. It's not the first time I've
deviated from the Eat to Live recommendations in the past 11 days - I had Taco
Bell last Friday, a few pieces of chocolate here and there, and scattered
spoonfuls of peanut butter. Those three chips do, however, mark the first time
in this journey that I’ve eaten one of my “favorite” foods and found that it
wasn’t satisfying. In fact, they tasted off, almost as if the oil in them had
started going rancid.
Previously, I would have wanted to eat three more chips and
three more chips and three more chips… Today, I had no desire to eat another
chip. In fact, I just realized that I am not hungry at all, as in there is not
a single type of food that I can think of that I want to eat right now. Considering
the ginormous salad and half of a watermelon* I ate for lunch, I should not be
surprised, but I am.
This not being hungry thing is a new experience for me. Even
when I’ve been so stuffed full of food that I knew I shouldn’t eat another bite, that feeling often didn’t translate
into “I don’t *want* another bite.” More often than I would like to admit, I’ve
been at that point and still managed to shove justonemore French fry/bite of pizza/piece of candy down my gullet.
In fact, because of my seemingly endless capacity for food,
I’ve never quite believed people when they stopped eating because they were
full. I always thought they were enacting a crazy charade perpetuated by our
culture of thinness, pushing away half full plates of delicious food to keep up
appearances. More often than not, when I got a doggie bag, I did so because I
didn’t want to appear disgusting to my fellow diners. I would often eat the
leftovers immediately upon my arrival home.
That kind of eating had very little to do with fueling my
body and very much to do with comforting or, more accurately, numbing myself.
After a while, even when I didn’t want the numbing effect of too much food, it
had become a habit I felt like I’d never be able to break.
I’m too wary to think I’ve fully broken the habit even now. Every
day, I still think about stopping at Burger King or Taco Bell on my way home
from work. It will take me many more than 11 days to feel confident that my
addiction to highly-processed, food-like substances has been broken. It may
even take more than 6 weeks. Yet, the fact that I did not crave more chips
after those first few feels like a huge step in the right direction.
*Full disclosure: It was a tiny watermelon. I could hold it
in my hand. It was smaller than a cantaloupe.
I'm About to Get Effusive Up in Here
I went for a run today. I readily admit that, despite my loud, obnoxiously announced commitment to a plan, today's run was my first in nearly two weeks. The days have gone by, I can't change the choices made in the past but I can move forward.
The three miles I ran today were the best in months.
The park was beautiful and nearly empty.
It was cold outside but the weather wasn't harsh.
The sun was shining and the sky was perfectly blue.
My body was ready to go. From the minute I started I felt better than I have in weeks and that feeling continued through the end of my run.
It was a true delight to be on the trail, feeling my legs and arms move in time to my breathing. I took joy in the activity in a way I haven't since October, at least.
And, honestly, the only thing that has changed significantly has been my diet. Over the past five days, the vast majority of the food I've eaten has been unrefined plant foods instead of the steady stream of highly refined, fat-soaked food I'd been shoving down my gullet for the last half year.
Eating more healthfully has had a direct and almost immediate impact on both my desire to run and how well I am running. It's taking some practice and experimentation to make the food as appealing as I'd like it to be but I'm getting better and discovering some tricks that have made most of my meals delicious.
If you've been thinking about cleaning up your diet, I would encourage you to make the decision and take some concrete steps to make it a reality as soon as possible. You will not regret it.
The three miles I ran today were the best in months.
The park was beautiful and nearly empty.
It was cold outside but the weather wasn't harsh.
The sun was shining and the sky was perfectly blue.
My body was ready to go. From the minute I started I felt better than I have in weeks and that feeling continued through the end of my run.
It was a true delight to be on the trail, feeling my legs and arms move in time to my breathing. I took joy in the activity in a way I haven't since October, at least.
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| Clockwise: A bridge halfway through my run; in front of a frozen pond at the trailhead after I finished; I love the park in the winter with no leaves; completely even splits!; NEON! |
Eating more healthfully has had a direct and almost immediate impact on both my desire to run and how well I am running. It's taking some practice and experimentation to make the food as appealing as I'd like it to be but I'm getting better and discovering some tricks that have made most of my meals delicious.
If you've been thinking about cleaning up your diet, I would encourage you to make the decision and take some concrete steps to make it a reality as soon as possible. You will not regret it.
Just Give Me Some Salt. Please!
Do you ever desperately wish that you'd never opened your mouth?
I'm feeling that today.
I wish I'd never told anyone anywhere ever that I was doing this (damn fool) Dr. Fuhrmann challenge because then no one would know if I quit. Perhaps that's why I announced it loudly and frequently to my friends and blog readers - it makes it that much harder to give in to my cravings for
A cheeseburger...
and a burrito the size of my head...
and some French fries.
Interestingly, none of my cravings are for sweet things. I am madly craving salty, savory, rich flavors. Clearly, fat is pretty high on the ingredient list, too.
Hopefully, this doesn't sound like complaints. This is a choice I've made and I am going to stick to it but, I have to tell you, it's pretty freaking difficult.
I just keep reminding myself that, if I still crave them, all the salty, fatty, processed foods I want to eat in large amounts RIGHT NOW will be available when I'm done with this process. There's also the chance that I won't want them as much or at all and my health will be better for it.
Maybe I'm not doing a great job of sucking it up with running but I'm doing okay with food.
Now, off to eat my lunch of rice, peas, cauliflower, and acorn squash.
I'm feeling that today.
I wish I'd never told anyone anywhere ever that I was doing this (damn fool) Dr. Fuhrmann challenge because then no one would know if I quit. Perhaps that's why I announced it loudly and frequently to my friends and blog readers - it makes it that much harder to give in to my cravings for
A cheeseburger...
 |
| Homemade or from a great burger joint, not some crappy fast food imitation. |
 |
| Chipotle would be best... |
 |
| Yes, those look sufficiently golden and crispy. |
Hopefully, this doesn't sound like complaints. This is a choice I've made and I am going to stick to it but, I have to tell you, it's pretty freaking difficult.
I just keep reminding myself that, if I still crave them, all the salty, fatty, processed foods I want to eat in large amounts RIGHT NOW will be available when I'm done with this process. There's also the chance that I won't want them as much or at all and my health will be better for it.
Maybe I'm not doing a great job of sucking it up with running but I'm doing okay with food.
Now, off to eat my lunch of rice, peas, cauliflower, and acorn squash.
Three Days In
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| Dinner = a salad as big as my head |
There's nothing going on that concerns me but I'm definitely experiencing some of the unpleasant symptoms Dr. Fuhrmann warns off in his books: growly stomach, slight headache, occasional lightheadedness, desperate cravings, grumpiness, etc.
Fuhrmann attributes these symptoms to detoxification from all the sugar, caffeine, and fat consumed in the standard American diet. In his books, this is also called "toxic hunger" because they are signals for many people to eat something sweet or salty to experience the dopamine rush these foods, apparently, cause.
I only say "apparently" because I'm trying to experience the next six weeks as a skeptic and I haven't dug into all the studies Fuhrmann cites. So, while I don't want to take everything he says at face value, I am fully committed to following the plan for the entire six weeks unless a medical reason to stop arises.
I'll admit that my commitment almost crumbled when my co-workers decided to get take-out at our favorite place today. If I hadn't already been so vocal about this challenge with them, I might have decided to "cheat," which, for me, would have amounted to needing to start over.
There is room in Fuhrmann's plan for indulgences but, if I have the food I need available, I'm not going to deviate from the recommended foods within this six week period, no matter how sorely I am tempted. There is something inside me that wants this experiment to be as untainted as possible. Should get interesting when I'm traveling for work next month.
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Later: I had a delicious salad tonight and discovered the beauty of Bragg's Liquid Aminos as a substitute for sodium-laden soy sauce. I need to learn to stop eating when I'm full, though, instead of trying to continue eating because I haven't eaten the volume of food recommended. Overeating salad is so much more uncomfortable than overeating chocolate or pizza.
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