This morning, I went for a run. Hal's plan had 10 miles on it.
I went to the BWI Airport Trail. It's my standard 10 mile loop. I can't remember the last time I ran it. Since I did my race at the beginning of the month, even two miles has been a serious challenge.
That's not to say I haven't enjoyed some of my runs but I'm just. so. tired.
Today, the planned 10 turned into 5. I could have kept going, slogged around the whole loop, but I am trying not to let running become a burden, something I hate and never want to do again.
The thing that worries me, though, is that I have five races coming up in the next four weeks, three of which are on the same weekend and the longest and last of which is a half marathon on a hilly course.
I just looked up the time limit for said half marathon; the course will be open for four hours. I shouldn't need all that time but, in case I do, I'm glad it's available.
During today's run, I was thinking about my barely year-old running habit. For a while, I felt like I was quickly moving toward my goals. I was steadily pressing down on the gas pedal and gaining momentum as I went.
I'm not sure exactly when I started to let off the gas but it seems like almost all of that momentum has been lost. I have brilliant moments but my consistency is off, my aerobic capacity is for crap, my strength and cross training have almost completely fallen by the wayside.
And no matter what accountability practice I decide to enact, I just keep falling off the wagon. Wait, that makes it sound as if I ever really got all the way back on. For the most part, it seems like I'm not even making it all the way up into the seat before I'm flat on my face in the middle of the road again.
I'm tempted to apologize for bumming people out but this is real, friends. I have goals but I have gotten stuck in this place where I can't even imagine accomplishing them. There are so many first steps to be taken that I don't even know where to start anymore.
I know. I get it. You're going to tell me to stop being so hard on myself. That's very nice of you but please realize I am not nearly as hard on myself as you may think.
The problem is that I let myself make excuses for everything. Almost any reason I can find to go easy on myself, I accept it. There has to come a point where even I don't find that acceptable anymore.
Slumpity slump slump. Not sure how to dig myself out of this slough of despond. Do you have any ideas that I haven't already seen in Runner's World 15 times?
4 comments:
I've found having a coach has been incredibly helpful in overcoming excuses.
Training aside, my 5k PR today was for him! I simply did not want to let him down :)
Oh, Kyle, how I wish that were an option. Finances make it wishful thinking at the moment, though. One of the reasons I don't want to start hating running is because it can be done so inexpensively.
Congrats on the PR, btw!!!
Could just be a rough patch. Everyone has them, sometimes they last a while especially depending on what else is going on in your life, but they usually do lift eventually. (sometimes you need to just push through but it's hard to know where that line is) Make sure you're healthy, some medical conditions can cause mood, fatigue issues while still allowing you generally to function close to normal, they can show up more with things like exercise.
Revisit your goals - maybe they're no longer calling to you and you need some new ones. Having the confidence to change your mind and say "that's not what I want anymore, I'm now going to pursue this other thing" can make a big difference in enthusiasm and energy levels.
Shake up your routine - listen to podcasts instead of music (lots of great ones out there w/ inspiring interviews) or listen to nothing instead. Try an evening instead of a morning. Find a new route.
Suggestions: set incredibly small goals - so small they seem ridiculous and not worth trying for - 5 min of strength training and stretching a day, stuff like that. Put a gold sticky star on your calendar for every day you hit the goal, give yourself credit.
Sometimes just keeping going with the habit is what helps. For me, doing things every day, so I have a consistent routine, is easier than doing things once in a while. If that means you get up, dress and run half a mile every day for a while, you still did it.
Check with your local independent running store - many of them have groups or fun runs in morning and evening. Perhaps meeting some folks and having company would help? (and if you meet neat folks, you can always find other times to run with them) And if you find more experienced and faster runner as well as folks at your pace and experience levels, remember runners love to talk running and the faster/experienced ones may be able to give you training tips and pointers.
Also, check out the Another Mother Runner web site forums, there's a section to help people find "best running friends" - aka people to run with, by location. Don't have to have kids to join! One of Dimity's slogans : don't think, just go!
Hang in there. These are universal runner "problems", across our whole tribe of folks, not anything specific to you or meaning anything about you and running.
Wishing you the best....
Thanks, MJ. One of the things I've been thinking of doing is running on more days for less time so that I don't have too many days in between to let my momentum run down and the running isn't such a huge time commitment every single time I go out.
The group running thing is a suggestion I get a lot. I'll have to check out that BRF thing.
It's always good to hear I'm not the only one.
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