Sometimes, while living in Virginia with Emily, she would sometimes ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up. My most frequent answer was, "I don't really know," or a shrug of my shoulders.
Now that I'm in graduate school, the same question looms every time I prepare for another class, every time I write a paper, every time I sign another student loan document. What do I want to be when I grow up?
Since arriving at seminary, my answer to that query has been "I want to study the Old Testament," or "I want to work in church education," or something along those lines. The problem is, that answer doesn't ring true anymore. Maybe it's the result of being in school almost constantly for twelve of the past thirteen months, but the thought of studying for another five years after the completion of my current degree program sounds, well, awful.
In the past few months, as I've become more interested in photography and, more recently, interested in the art of bookbinding, I've begun to contemplate whether it would be possible for me to pursue such things as a career or, at least, as a hobby that pays. I'd be glad to have a more traditional 9-5 to pay the bills, but my dream is that I wouldn't need to. I could tend a large vegetable garden behind a modest home, make books, sew things, take photos, cook large, delicious, mainly vegetarian meals, indulge in hospitality, and sell beautiful things to people who might appreciate them.
Can I dream such daring things? Or would such a path be a waste of the knowledge and skill I've acquired at college and now graduate school?
5 comments:
This reminds me of an article I just read called "What do I want to be while growing up?": http://www.associatedcontent.com/article/405569/what_do_i_want_to_be_while_growing.html
And I don't think your knowledge is a waste.
Oops, it looks like the link got cut off. Sorry about that.
Anonymous, who are you?
The link was complete for my purposes. While I can relate to the sentiments of the writer, his incessant use of pop culture references made me want to throw up.
It's still nice to know I'm not alone, though.
I don't have a lot of energy for a long response right now, but suffice it to say that I can echo these sentiments exactly, with a BA and a JD under my belt. I hate to say it, but I think it's a female instinct that I try to pretend doesn't exist.
I try to suppress the education guilt with a reminder that when I am middle-aged and my hypothetical kids are grown and I want to start a new career, I won't have to go back to school, because I'll already have a couple of degrees under my belt. Sometimes it works.
You know, Jule Ann, I think of you whenever I contemplate my future and I realize that no matter what my future holds, it will probably not be very close to what I plan or expect. Not that it will be unexpected in a bad way, just not what I have planned.
As for female instinct, I have no problem owning that these days. I want a home, a family. These days, I couldn't care less about being a scholar or having a career...
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