Undone

I recently finished reading The Color Code, by Taylor Hartman. Usually, I'm not into self-help drivel, but this one was recommended by Molly, who I hung out with recently at a baseball game. Anyway, it was a fast and fairly interesting read, very un-drivel-ly

The Color Code is a personality profile, much like the MBTI or the Enneagram. This particular profiling system categorizes people based on core motives. There are four colors: Red, Yellow, White, and Blue. Reds are motivated by power, Yellows by fun, Whites (me) by peace, and Blues by intimacy. Most people have a little of each color, but are overwhelmingly one of the four. I'm a White with a hearty Blue streak.

I've encouraged the taking of the quiz before and I'm going to do it again. You can take the online one here or you can email me at kje1981 at gmail dot com to get a scanned copy that will actually breakdown your results instead of just giving you your core color.

Now that I've read the book, I am constantly noting behavior patterns and trying to figure out the color of every person I interact with. It's sort of become and obsession actually. If I had the authority, I would make everyone in my office take it, but I don't, so I just guess.

Anyway, every personality test I ever take tells me that I'm a peacemaker, so I guess it must be true. I'm beginning to think, though, that I'm not so much a peacemaker as a peacekeeper. Sure, I am pretty skilled at settling conflict, but I am much more adept at avoiding it altogether. Sometimes this is an admirable quality, but sometimes conflict needs to happen and I won't let it. Often, this type of avoidance leads to worse conflict down the road because it all builds up until someone busts. This was a bigger problem in my childhood, but I still have trouble sharing my feelings (verbally, anyway...my mother and sometimes my close friends can read my nonverbal cues like a book) and confronting problems.

Part of being a White is the extraordinary talent of dreaming up the "worst case scenario" and then convincing yourself that the worst case is what WILL happen if you take any action. So, as a result, Whites float through life content to be where they are because at least they know the territory. Whites are unmotivated. Whites are boring, to tell the truth...what interests me most is my Blue streak.

There's too much to think about...I think I'll continue my thoughts later. Maybe let some people in on a few of my deeper, darker secrets.