Under Pressure

Okay, I'm willing to accept my share of the blame for the people around me jumping to conclusions. Apparently, when you write "Marathon?" on Facebook and suggest that possibly, just maybe, you will run a marathon at some time in your life, that means you are intending to run a marathon in 6 months to a year.

If I'd only known before I posted it! But I didn't and now that cat's out of the bag or something.

So, my lovely, encouraging friends are talking to me about doing a marathon and saying, "I'll run the first mile with you!" and "Let's do it!" The problem is that I am still actually undecided about this. I don't know if a marathon is a goal I'm interested in setting. I don't even know for sure if a half-marathon is in my future.

Mostly, the issue is that I'm a little bit stubborn. I don't like to do things because other people think I should. I want to do things because I want to do them. I don't want people to have expectations and goals for me.

More importantly, I don't want people to be disappointed if I don't live up to their expectations - and running 26.2 miles is a pretty big expectation.

This running thing - it's all new for me. I'm still not sure how far my mind and body will let me go. And I'm a bit overwhelmed by what it means to TRAIN for a marathon. There's so much to think about and plan.

And, I have this little thing inside me saying, "If you want to do it, you can't just do it, you have to do it well, you habitual over-achiever." And that little thing is not interested in watching me slog through a marathon at my current 13.5 min/mile pace and it has absolutely no confidence that I will be able to reach the 9-10 min/mile I'd prefer.

So, "Marathon?" really is a question in my world, not a vague and sneaky way for me to wave my arms and say, "HEY EVERYBODY, I'M GOING TO RUN A MARATHON!!!" I promise, when I make that decision, I will wave my arms and shout "WATCH ME! WATCH ME! WATCH ME!"

In the meantime, I am so grateful for everyone's encouragement (so keep it coming) and boundless confidence in my ability that I sometimes lack. Thank you all from the bottom of my heart.


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